Moderation and Control

I am going to be brutally honest.

Sorry for the length of this, it's kind of a bunch of posts crammed together...

I was just at YC in Edmonton this weekend, and I had a mad experience. For the first time, I could lift up my hands, close my eyes and jump around without being worried that anyone would think I was crazy. I really just didn't care.

But I came home.

I was supposed to have coffee with someone who I really admired and wanted to open up to; I was an hour late and showed up a little unstately. I won't go into detail but if you just thought of the worst thing possible you could do on let's say, a 'first date', that's what I did. I was very upfront and told him if he wanted to leave that that was very understandable, but he still urged to hang out with me. I can't remember a lot of what we talked about, but he was kind enough to put up with me and buy me a drink. At my weakest, lowest point, he was compassionate. He even told me he understood what was going on for me, which was a relief in a way.

It was neat to see who my friends were, the ones that cared for me and didn't judge me. But the part where I found out who didn't give a shit or just became angry with me because of what I did wasn't exactly a thrill.

Of course I regret it. Just like i regret a lot of my choices. But somehow we all learn through experiences, and I am a 98% experiencial learner and 2% visual learner. It also helps that I hardly listen to what people tell me to do.

I guess my main weakness is wanting to differ from everyone else. Stepping out of my comfort zone and experiencing new things. Good or bad. Whatever makes me different...and I suppose 'unique'.

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8



I'm pretty sure I got some inspiration around the guitar. Besides the fact that I made some friends who are bugging me to play more. I got critiqued on a new song I've been working on...I've changed it so much now it's hardly the same. But at least it's better and I know how to bend my songs more to compliment my voice and playing style.


I got prayed/phrophesied over at YA and 3 things stuck way out for me. The first thing were 2 words; Deep Healing. They talked about how the huge scar in my heart will be mended and forgotten, unlike the scar on my knee which is still very there. I also got prayed over that as a symbol of God's faithfulness, the scar on my knee will vanish when God has repaired my heart. The second thing was that I have an abnormally large heart. I feel things deeply. The third was that I have a rare gift of communicating with God. It's like there's a telephone I can call Him with anytime, and Vise versa. That was really neat...and I cried like a baby.

I went to a worship/talk night called 'Consumed' at my school the other day, and again I worshipped from my heart and without hesitation. My motivation was thanking God for his undieing forgiveness and grace.


I've had a hard time lately with staying positive and avoiding thinking about all the crap in my life and our cruel world. If I can't depend on pills to keep me stable...God is the final answer.

God has always been and always will be the final answer. He will never turn you down, He will never dissapoint you, He will never forget about you.

He will never forget about me.