Identity

[P.s. those are my lips up there. I won't be putting any other photos or drawings up anymore other than my own.]

Update: My rugby team won 41-nothing last night! Though I only got to play a quarter, it was very satisfying.

We must identify ourselves in Christ rather than in the things we do or what we love. We are his product, and He is our creator. He knows us inside out, and it takes us years to come to a scattered conclusion about who we are and why we are alive. That thought is so inspiring and safe...to know we can always find an answer in God, whenever it does happen.
It's comforting to know that I can be myself around people. Even if I tend to be more quiet and introverted with people I don't know, at least I know my potential.
I want to contribute to making something big happen in our world. I have no idea whatsoever how I'm going to go about accomplishing that, but I know that when I want something bad enough (like most people), I get it freaking done! And I rarely have a frame of mind like that.

I think having my older sister and best friend gone for a long time (although it sucks and I would love to have her back!) has really opened my eyes to see that I need to depend on God, and myself, rather than other people a lot of the time. I haven't had a chance to run to her crying for encouragement or mercy, and I think it's been strengthening.
One thing I need to get off my chest is butterflies. The hopelessness of liking someone (even though I see them as wonderful) because you know that most things of this matter end in pain or doubt. A man in my life would complicate things so much, maybe even slow down the process of figuring out who I am and being comfortable with what I am and what I believe in. Yet the rememberance of looking him in the eyes can get me every time no matter how fast I sweep the thought away.

You could say I'm enjoying life right now...and trust me, that is rare and special! God is becoming real to me again. Friends are becoming more and more appreciated, and I love and thank God for the family that I have. I like myself. I like what I am about, what I value, what I wear, I don't scorn my thoughts or my puzzle of a mind, I treasure the life and opportunities that I do have.

A time to search, and a time to quit searching. A time to keep, and a time to throw away. Ecclesiastes 3:6

Times Definitely Change

A heads up; my mind is scattered.


A lot has happened in the past few months, let alone from the last blog i posted.
Metromint waters are ridiculously unpleasant. That was one thing i have learned this week.

More Things Caitlin has Learned Recently:
2. never say you will do something. say you will most likely be doing it. chances are God has something in mind for you that doesn't coincide with your plans.
3. you sometimes need to make a good decision based on gut feelings. Don't overthink something.
4. i still love deathmetal.
5. wood earings can handle anything.
6. if you stick with something (like rugby!) for over about 9 days, you will be glad you did it. even if it hurts. and damn does it hurt!
7. i have a good chunk of my life planned out. i know that all those plans will most likely fade with time, and i accept that. but it's good to have options. hah, and i thought i would never want to go to secondary school!
8. sometimes sleeping is the answer.
9. pretty people don't make friends, they make bitches, whipped friends and people who strive on scandal. why want to be like someone you loathe?
10. i don't believe in coincidence and i don't believe in chance. i believe that everything that happens in life has a specific purpose- for somebody.
11. i am stoked for owning my own house! i bought book ends the other day. book ends?!

Life has been pretty hectic lately. I quit my job(yes!) and started rugby. So far i haven't gotten hurt, minus an epic bruise on my leg. We owned our first exhibition game with 41-7! I think a big negative factor in my spiritual life right now is simply time. I need to work on reconnecting with God. Recently I was tested for diabetes which was quite a scare, but hallelujah that turned out negative. I have been thinking about going to ACAD for a year or two before heading out to Emily Carr in Vancouver. And Greece has been on my mind! I am definitely planning to work at Gull Lake Baptist Camp the summer after graduation. Lord willing with a position that would suite me. And for now...in the spare time that I do have, I pull out my paints or go for a walk with a camera that I am borrowing from a friend. The guitar has grown dusty, but I'm still only waiting for that inspiration that seems like it will never come.
My mind is a scattered puzzle which someday I hope will become understandable to me. Above all I miss my sister Kellen, who is currently residing in Africa. I feel like I'm growing- only feel like. I notice sometimes that i lack the enjoyment of things i used to, and I'm thinking a lot more logically than emotionally based. You can usually tell my state of mind by the state of my room. At the moment it looks like a tornado hit it.

To better days,
black-haired-girl.